too bad you live with your parents still
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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