I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
