So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
