That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
