Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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