In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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