as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
