As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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