He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize