Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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