I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
