But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
