You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
