Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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