Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
