I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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