Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
