Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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