I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
