Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
