Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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