you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
