The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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