last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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