who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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