Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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