Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
