Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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