I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
