'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
