We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
