He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
