then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
