Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
