How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
