just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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