i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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