I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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