if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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