At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
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Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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