Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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