He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
