i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
