you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
