Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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