Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize