I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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