can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How naked do you want me to be?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
