I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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