dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
