you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just high enough for therapy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
