i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the room spins SO much faster in panama
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
