kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
