whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
