idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
