She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
