he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
