How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
