I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
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God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
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I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize