living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
