My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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