I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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