he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
