I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
